-Canticle of Threnodies 8:13 (source)
My Least Favorite Trope (and this post will include spoilers for The Lego Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Matrix, Western Civilization, and—cod help me—Bulletproof Monk*.) is the thing where there’s an awesome, smart, wonderful, powerful female character who by all rights ought to be the Chosen One and the hero of the movie, who is tasked with taking care of some generally ineffectual male character who is, for reasons of wish fulfillment, actually the person the film focuses on. She mentors him, she teaches him, and she inevitably becomes his girlfriend… and he gets the job she wanted: he gets to be the Chosen One even though she’s obviously far more qualified. And all he has to do to get it and deserve it is Man Up and Take Responsibility.
And that’s it. Every god-damned time. The mere fact of naming the films above and naming the trope gives away the entire plot and character arc of every single movie.
I regret going to Super Cuts the first time I got a pixie cut.
Basorexia - An overwhelming desire to kiss.
Sofia X Isabela
They had come down here, to their favorite spot, to tall about their days, Kirkwall in its vast array of experiences, past escapades. Everything and nothing.
"So, there I was. Isabela said, her face lit with the joy adventure gave her "missing a boot, and only 3 daggers on me. Didn’t matter though, a wink and a smile will go a long way in distracting lonely pirates. I had my ship back within minutes, and sailed straight into the horizon. Child’s play"
Sofia was enamored. She always enjoyed hearing about Izzy’s life as a pirate. She dreamed of someday leaving with Izzy on her ship, and being a part of her crew. Maybe even more than that.
She couldn’t deny that what she felt for Izzy was more than friendship. Couldn’t deny that she sometimes felt it hard to look away, that when she was felt alone in this strange city, she thought of her. Couldn’t deny that what she wanted most was to kiss her. Couldn’t deny that she was in love with her.
She felt Isabela looking into her eyes, and couldn’t help but blush. This couldn’t be happening, this was too good to be true. Buy she leaned in, subconsciously, instinctively, like her body knew exactly what to do. Even when her brain didn’t.
"You’re so beautiful" Isabela said, cupping her face "you know that, don’t you sweet thing?
Now Sofia’s face was flushed red, but she nodded yes, smiling but afraid to open her mouth for fear it would betray her. Isabela was the beautiful one. Especially with the light from the sunset shining on the ocean and radiating onto her, giving her a almost otherworldly glow. She looked like a goddess.
Their lips met, and Sofia lightly cupped the side of Isabela’s throat. She smelled of the sea, of crushed ginger, and spiced wine. For a brief second, she sent a prayer of thanks up to the high heavens. Thanking Andraste for everything, for letting someone like her meet someone like Isabela. For leading her to what she only dreamed of.
Isabela pulled away, grabbed Sofia’s hand, kissed her forehead, and stared out into the horizon. Sofia realized then and there: Isabela was a goddess.
Druxy - Something which looks good on the outside, but is actually rotten inside.
Song: Pedestrian - Overwhelmed
Sofia Hawke — Act II
It was getting easier. Easier to step outside. Easier to fool everyone. Easier to fool herself. Easier to walk by her door. But once she got to her makeshift room in the den, everything came pouring out. She closed the door, and collapsed behind it. Blinking back tears she didn’t know she still had.
It didn’t matter what they said, they were lying. The truth was what it was. One of her own people killed her. They could say it wasn’t her fault, or that it madness, not magic. But their petty platitudes were almost an insult.
Anders was the worst, and she’d given up on him. His reckless naivety refused to recognize that if magic wasn’t a part of this world, Leandra would still be here. And people like Cullen wouldn’t of been subject to such tragedies.
She saw herself, for who she really was. A monster. Demons and blood magic were her future. She was nothing but a gateway for hurt and ruin. She wouldn’t be responsible for anyone else going through this. She’d die first.
She knew then, what she had to do. She stood back up, packed a bag, and left.
No goodbyes. They’d only try to stop her.
"Knight-Captain Cullen" she said, her wavering voice betraying her bravado "I’m an apostate, and I give myself up to the Circle."